Kitten Fight. Kitten Fight.

Previously, on One Tree Hill: Lots of things happened. People got shot, people made out, I don't recognize much of it, but apparently someone named Jimmy died.
It's the morning of the first Tree Hill basketball game, and Nathan is feeling guilty. He tries to tell Haley that Fran is a first-class nutjob, but Fran, shockingly, pops up at this exact moment to announce that she's been accepted into grad school. She's giving her two weeks notice, which means we've got two weeks until she goes Peyton Flanders on us.
Speaking of women named Peyton, the one on this show is taking Mia to the basketball game, and takes her on a tour of the school, because Mia has never been inside a high school, I guess. Several minutes later, Brooke and Haley take Lindsey on a tour of the school as well. "And over here is the White Room! That used to be my locker! Isn't this thrilling?" Anywho, the ladies all run into each other in the library, and Peyton and Lindsey start the verbal gymnastics. When the groups try to separate, they discover that there is a work order to fix the door handles on Monday morning, and the doors cannot be opened from the inside. The absurdity of this fact, and the fact that there is no other means of exiting the school library, is not discussed.
Despite the fact that this is 2008, only one person has a cell phone, and it is not charged. The library computer has an internet connection, so of course the ladies go with the obvious plan: order a pizza so that the delivery guy can get them out. That was the plan you thought of, right?
Lindsey and Peyton continue their verbal sparring. I sit on the edge of the couch, slugging down bourbon and yelling, "hit her! Hit her!" They do not come to blows. Mia tries to bring everyone together with song, because there happens to be a guitar in the library, and she's had this riff in her head all week. Of course, the whole time she's playing it, I keep expecting her to suddenly announce that she's sleeping with Matt Damon (link NSFW, as if you didn't know). Mia, honey, that tune's been in everyone's head all week.
There's more arguing, more drinking (did I mention they found a bottle of booze in the library? Of course they did), and finally Peyton makes fun of Lindsey's dad, which is the last straw, because you know her dad's dead. Well, you probably didn't, but now you do, and so do the rest of us, and Lindsey cries, and Peyton feels bad because her mom is dead, and they have a big weepy make-up dialogue. I sit on the edge of the couch, yelling, "kiss her! Kiss her!" Lindsey and Peyton do not make out. I throw my bourbon at the television.

Next week: Lucas's and Nathan's father is up for parole, after serving over four years for murdering his brother. Will he get out? Will Jamie be forced to meet his grandfather? Will any of us care? Tune in next week, or you'll miss the excitement!