Wednesday, March 7, 2007

Bad Dog No Biscuit

On yesterday's walk, we saw the dreaded UPS truck. Ginny saw it before I did, so I had to be reactive in getting her to calm down. Actual transcript of events:
Me: Okay, settle down. Sit.
Ginny: Howl!
M: Sit...
G: Howl!
M: Sit!
G: Howl!
(repeat 6x)
M: That's enough! Sit!
G: (stares blankly)
M: Sit. Down. Now.
G: (does not sit)
M: Do as you're told! Sit down!
(I push on the dog's hindquarters, forcing her to sit)
M: Good g-
G: (ceases sitting)
M: No! Sit!
G: (blank stare)
(I repeat the attempt to force her to sit. Ginny splays her back legs and pushes back, foiling me)
(I attempt an old trick Mom taught me, putting my arm behind her back legs and sweeping it forward. Ginny is apparently familiar with this trick)
M: Ginny, sit down.
G: (attempts to wander off)
M: We're not going anywhere until you sit.
G: (stares, having apparently not learned English. Willful ignorance, if you ask me)
M: Sit down...
(repeat for 5 minutes)
M: Sit.
G: (sits)
M: Thank you. Good dog.
(We sit for a few seconds, then resume our walk, my goal of calming the dog having been achieved in spite of me)



Michelle said...

Nice transcription!

Have you thought that maybe your UPS driver is smuggling drugs around and that Ginny's true calling is to be a drug dog???

emi said...

Yeah, I think that's the exact same conversation I just had with my 3yr old at bedtime. Especially the howling part. And including the leg-sweeping trick. You're pretty much all set for fatherhood now, Bo.

J. Bowman said...

That's what I've been telling women for years!

As far as the drug-running theory, I hadn't considered that. She is a hound, and was originally trained as a hunting dog. Also, an increase in local drug traffic would explain the sudden appearance of a State Police outpost in the middle of town.

Michelle said...

Well that solves it then! You should probably just invest in some drugs and keep 'em around the house to de-sensitize her and undo the training. There's no way that a plan like that could backfire on you. No way at all...

Mike said...

I just have to believe if Ginny was sensitive to drugs, there would have been a sign before this

Kelly said...

So, Bo - when will Ginny's first music video hit the air waves? I've been missing her trademark Biz Marquee song!