Let's catch up with the denizens of Tree Hill, NC, shall we?
We begin with Lucas proposing to Lindsey in order to keep her from leaving. Literally; she tells him goodbye, she's walking out the door, he grabs her hand and proposes, she melts. If this move actually worked, I'd be marrying my last girlfriend. Fortunately for all concerned, it only works on television. Lucas suggests getting married as soon as possible, presumably so that we can get to the episode where Lindsey leaves him at the altar before the end of this season. Incidentally, while Lindsey isn't an unlikeable character, we've been given absolutely no reason to care about her, which is why I'm fairly certain she won't actually be Mrs. Scott (at least, not for long).
Peyton, of course, is devastated, but when she goes to the high school to confront Lucas, she runs into a girl who lives in her closet, or something like that. Anyway, this girl comes out of the closet long enough to give Peyton the strength to tell Lucas she's letting him go. At least for this week.
The recently-fired Mouth arrives at work and packs his desk. But wait! The crew member in charge of exposition stops by and informs him that Alice, in fact, has been fired. Unfortunately, she's been fired for sleeping with a subordinate. Mouth continues packing. But wait! It seems the subordinate in question was the evening anchor. In fact, Alice has nailed most of the staff (including the Exposition Grip), and many staff members knew about her affairs with many other staff members. This raises two questions:
1) Where did she find the time?
2) How are the higher-ups just now finding out about this?
With Alice out of the picture, Mouth is free to pursue Millicent. Unfortunately, the weirdness at the club causes her to reject him -- for about thirty seconds. They go on a date at the TV station, and there's some philosophy about the similarities between sports and ballet, and then Millicent tells Mouth to close his eyes so she can kiss him. Aw.
Nathan continues to not avoid the nanny named Fran. This week, he tells Fran bluntly to stop flirting with him. Fran, of course, interprets this as, "step up your efforts to seduce me," and faithfully obeys, finally getting Nathan to close his eyes so she can kiss him. Can we get to the episode where she tries to kill Haley already? We all know it's coming.
Haley is still mad at everybody. It's good to have the girl who was married at 17 and gave birth on Prom Night as the moral center of your show.
Finally, Brooke is still trying to date the bartender, who I'm just gonna call Woody. To his credit, he's having none of it, though he does have some fun messing with her head. However, he isn't prepared for Brooke's secret weapon: she shows up naked in his back seat. Woody relents, and agrees to sleep with her, at which point Brooke informs him that she's not that easy, and leaves (fully dressed, it would appear). In my head, Jens Lekman's "Get Away From Me, Psycho Girl" plays.
Next week: women are inexplicably locked in a classroom or library or somewhere else where there's no good reason for them to a) be b) not be able to easily exit. Catfight ensues.