Frailty, thy name is plot

WARNING: Minor Glee spoilers ahead.

Here we go again. Much like "Road to Sectionals," this show has set a timeline, and then ignored it in an attempt to cram as many songs as possible into each episode. The show is funny (though less so than it was early in the season), and it usually hits the right notes, but did anyone in charge of this show actually go to high school? You don't get to show up at your convenience (actually, given the behavior of my students, perhaps you do, now). It takes place within the confines of a five-day week. Every time you have a scene with people milling about in the hallways, that's a school day. Every time you change everyone's outfit, that's a school day.  Every time you have five of them, that's two days of weekend you've also used up. It doesn't bother me that we never see these kids doing anything that would indicate that they have classes besides Glee Club, but it bothers me that they live in an Ohio that's always warm and sunny and has a 400-day year.

Anyway, this episode's timeline:

Day one: The assignment for the week.

Day two: "Funny Girl." This isn't day one, because everyone, as usual, is wearing different outfits.

Day Three: "Bad Romance." Per Mercedes, the scene at Carmel High took place the day before. "Shout It Out Loud" takes place the same day.

Day Four: Burt Hummel Is Awesome. Kurt skipped school to decorate the room, so it isn't day three.

Day Five: "Beth." We can assume that "Poker Face" occurs the same day. By the way, Rachel was born in the middle of the first season of Friends.

Day Six: The confrontation in the hallway. To think this was day five, we'd have to assume that a) Shelby came over to McKinley in the middle of the school day and b) Rachel changed outfits in the middle of the day, then changed back into her Gaga outfit. Nope.

This is six school days we've seen, so we could be at March 25... BUT, during day six, Artie states that it's the end of the week. So it's Friday, March 26. Next week, Regionals!

...Right? It has to be. They're next week. Actually, so is McKinley's spring break, but I can't imagine anyone has paid attention to that.

Two notes:

1. Jesse is gone again. No one even makes note of this, much less attempts to explain it.

2. Are we going to see the Cheerios at Nationals? That should have been this week, but Mercedes and Brittany were never absent.

That's the name of that tune

Trivia is back again, and the questions have gotten tough. Plenty of misses this week, which should tide you over if they decide not to hold it next week.

1. What sport's athletes compete in the Coronation Cup?

2. Soundgarden frontman Chris Cornell and members of Rage Against The Machine combined to form what group in 2001?

3. Who wrote the Peter, Paul, and Mary hit "Leavin' on a Jet Plane?"

4. What group performed the 1965 hit "Do You Believe in Magic?"

The next four questions all have answers starting with "B."

5. What is Charlie Brown's father's profession?

6. What was the name of the mechanical shark(s) built for the filming of Jaws?

7. What watch company had the first television commercial?

8. What is the name of the dog on a box of Cracker Jack?

The final four questions all have answers starting with "F."

9. What was the name of Tony Beretta's cockatoo?

10. What Ohio town was the setting for the comedy "Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman?"

11. Which actress is the daughter of Maureen O'Sullivan?

12. Which Hemingway novel was made into a 1929 movie starring Gary Cooper and Helen Hayes?

Another day, another destiny, this never ending road to Calva-wait for it!

WARNING: Minor Glee spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen this week's episode yet, what are you waiting for?

When we last saw the gang, it was early March, and we were starting down the road to Regionals. This week, time marched on, even if the plot didn't. Let's take a look.

First of all, Jesse is back from Spring Break, so it's after last week's episode. Let's say he gets back on Monday; this would make sense, seeing as he has to go to school and all. It doesn't really matter, though, nor does the first fifteen minutes, because, per Will, auditions for Les Miz take place on Friday, so the rest of the episode must take place over the week after that. Let's assume we learn about Sue's "secret room" on Monday. She's wearing the same track suit (I think) in the next scene, so that's Monday, too. Will gives up his part on Tuesday, and the club is saved, yet again, on Wednesday. That puts us, at the very earliest, at St. Patrick's Day. McKinley's Spring Break, cheerleading Nationals, and show choir Regionals are all coming, and fast. Not coming so fast, apparently, is baby Fabray; my theory is Quinn only gets one line a show in an attempt to make us forget about the baby plotline until it's convenient.

One other temporal clue of note: Rachel was born December 18, 1994, so Sectionals took place... the day after her fifteenth birthday? It's certainly not unusual for students to turn fifteen during their sophomore year, but I was having enough trouble buying Lea Michele as an underclassman without knowing she spent the entire Road to Sectionals playing a fourteen-year-old. You know, writers, sometimes the gun goes off accidentally, and sometimes you load it, cock it, and take aim at your toes.

And that's what you missed on Glee. Next week, Kurt gets a brother!

There's never an excuse for stirrup pants

WARNING: Minor Glee spoilers ahead. The show was on two nights ago, though, so if you haven't seen it yet, you've probably been spoiled already.

This show is glorious. Here I was, thinking they weren't paying any attention to timeframe, and they go and hand me an episode so time-specific they might as well have hung calendars on the walls.

As far as how long the episode takes, it's just the standard week-long episode, so there's no real point in trying to pin down the specific day that everything happens. However, we are treated to a couple of juicy facts. Fact one is that Jesse is not around. Specifically, he's not around because he's on Spring Break with his Carmel High buddies.

I'll give you a second to process that.

Jesse is on Spring Break.

I've been worrying that it's already mid-February and that they're not going to have time to cram in any more plot and get to Regionals before summer vacation. I've been thinking that the writers are completely ignoring the calendar or inhabiting some weird universe where it's still October or something. All of a sudden, I find out that a) they are keeping track of when things happen, and b) it's actually later than I thought it was, because Spring Break does not happen in mid-February. We are at least at the first week of March. McKinley's Spring Break could be up to four weeks away, I suppose.

Fact two is that National Cheerleading Championships are in three weeks. This gives us potential for a show's worth of subplot, or it may make us scratch our heads in a couple of weeks when Santana and Brittany and possibly Kurt are still rehearsing 24/7 with the Glee Club instead of at Nationals. Fact two, though, is really just a lead-up to fact three:

Regionals is in a month.

That puts Regionals at the beginning of April, possibly during Spring Break. You know what else happens during Spring Break? Quinn's due date. This is too good not to be a major plot point in four weeks. That is still the due date, right? That baby bump is mighty small for someone finishing up her eighth month. At least we know (and this, I suppose, would be fact four) that she's living with the Puckermans (Puckermen?) after Finn kicked her out, and not in a refrigerator carton somewhere.

And that's what you missed on Glee. Next week: NPH!

Your Lucky Day

After much searching, I have finally located the Famous Floating Monday Night Trivia Game, which means that we have non-Glee content!
Trivia will be sporadic for the next two or three weeks, but I expect several updates over the summer. For now, though, here are last night's misses, plus several lucky non-misses.

1. Who was the narrator for the film Stand By Me?
2. What actress co-starred with Sean Penn in the 1983 film Bad Boys?
3. In 2006, which quarterback became the last USFL veteran to play in an NFL game?
4. Name the only father and son to hit back-to-back home runs in a major league baseball game.
5. Which Beatle has his back turned on the back cover of Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band?
6. Whose 1980 album Emotional Rescue spent seven weeks at #1 on the U.S. Pop charts?

You had me at "sex tape"

WARNING: Minor Glee spoilers ahead. If you haven't seen this week's episode yet, consider coming back tomorrow.

I've been dealing with a nasty stomach virus, but the public needs to know, so I'm here to tell them. Where are we? Or, rather, when are we?

Monday: Sue Sylvester goes viral! Sadly, I can find no links to this performance, on YouTube or elsewhere.

Tuesday: Rachel has an idea. Will is a slut.

Wednesday: U Can't Touch This, but Olivia Newton-John can.

Thursday: Sue goes viral again. Rachel, not so much. Again, there's no link to the "Physical" video, except for something someone pulled off their TV. I gotta think Fox missed an opportunity here.

Friday: Will, Quinn, and Rachel are all sorry.

Assuming it was the 5th or 6th at the end of the last episode, it is now February 12. I stand by my statement two weeks ago that I won't be bothered when they don't mention Valentine's Day next week.